Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
