video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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