I am puke
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
