I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
