EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
