Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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