why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
