I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
