Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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