Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
