I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
