you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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