So drunk its hurt
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize