Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
