After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
