Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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