I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
