Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
