How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
