i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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