woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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