he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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