six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
