Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
