there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
