hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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