Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
