whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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