Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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