Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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