Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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