Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
