New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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