she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
