sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
