As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Randomize
