I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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