she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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