I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
