on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
