guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
