i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
