I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
