haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
