I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
