i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
