This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
that may or may not have been my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
