you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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