His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
