if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
