Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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