I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
