Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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