I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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