Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
