well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
