this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
