At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
