when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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