So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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