So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
