My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize