Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
