I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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