I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
