I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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