Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
