Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
