I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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