Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
