when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
