he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
